Craven Cottage Newsround

Well that was disappointing.

(Paddy Kenny, the object of our affection)

In a pathetic excuse for a game of football Fulham wasted possession with extraordinary regularity, defended as if stopping the Utd forwards would be nice but not something to get too worried about, and generally abused their position as hugely well paid Premiership footballers.

United could’ve scored in seconds, Niemi taking a clonk on the head as he moved to block an early shot, probably the last thing the team needed.  Soon after he got a fantastic toe to Alan Quinn’s shot after the Irishman winkled through the heart of the defence, the ball trickling millimetres wide.  The goal came soon though, the not-so-prolific Jonathan Stead bursting through the defence like a runner through the finishing tape, then ramming the ball into the net via Niemi’s fingertips and cross-bar.   Then another as the ball again wormed its way across our goal and Michael Tonge was on hand to thump home from close range.  2-0, and that was that.

(Antti’s head hurts)

Volz had one shot, flying high into the home end; Davies had another, skewering off towards the corner-flag; Brown hit a volley that may well still be travelling.  I think that was it.  We didn’t look like scoring, we didn’t deserve to score, and we could’ve played all night without doing so.   There was no invention, the ball was under control about five times, the rest of the time it was ‘hoof it’ football at its worst, we looked like Cambridge Utd from the last milennium.  Vincenzo Montella lasted about 25 minutes, either injured, ineffective, or generally aghast about what was happening around him.  The little Italian is a football master; it was like making Gordon Ramsey eat mud pies.  Heidar came on in his place, presumably a more physical approach being needed, but he was completely ineffective too.

Bright spots:  Rosenior and Queudrue tackled well but their passing was as terrible as everyone else; Brown was everywhere and played pretty well; Knight and Pearce will never play that badly again (for it would not be possible); Simon Davies showed some nice touches, and if we were going to score he was going to be central to it; I got home before 3am.

(Zat Knight’s body language says everything)

Bad things:  About everything else.  The defence was diabolical, Radzinski wasn’t there, Volz was willing but bypassed… ah, nightmare.

It can’t get any worse, that’s the consolation.

Right, Tuesday, which means Sheffield Utd away.

The Blades appear to have acquitted themselves reasonably well in their return to the top division, scraping a few hardy points here and there and generally making life difficult for teams expecting to be above them.  We are above them in the table, but it being an away game you’d say it’s another 50/50 match, which may mean that we edge ever closer to the Premiership’s draws record (seven I believe, by Norwich - we’re on six).

Against that, you do have the feeling that all of a sudden we have an edge in class.   This might be described as The Montella Effect.  Certainly our dismissal of Stoke was down to this - we’ve huffed and puffed our way through games like this all year, relying on things to break for us at the right moment.  Not on Saturday, with Montella we actually *crafted* two of our goals, which is rare indeed.  Now, will he get the same time and space in Sheffield tonight?  Probably not, but class is class and I am hopeful of a right shellacking.  We shall see.

In other news, Paul Jewell has not given up on Papa Bouba Diop, which is more than can be said for a lot of Fulham fans.  Big Bouba is great on his day, but his days have been rare this year and if Wigan want to pay £5million Coleman will put that cash straight into the piggy bank he put the Boa Morte money into.

There are rumblings of a Kia Joorobchian inspired takeover, MAF reported to be half-interested in selling up for £80million, but we’ll leave those until something’s a bit firmer.  Certainly it would appear to be a very bad idea on the surface, but we’ll just have to see what happens.  Then dust off the placards and wonder whether this means we get Tevez and Maschereno or not (this is, after all, the man who engineered that wonderful piece of business earlier in the year, for which West Ham are paying dearly).

Right, that’s me for now.  I have to get my bike to Craven Cottage, where a coach will be driving us to Sheffield.  All I want is a win, some leg-room, and the chance to have a nap on the way home.  Sounds doable doesn’t it?

COWY!

The balls have been drawn and we’re playing Spurs again.  Here’s the full list:

Chelsea v Blackpool/Norwich City
Watford v Ipswich
Preston v Manchester City
Plymouth v Derby
Manchester United v Reading
Arsenal/Bolton v Blackburn
Bristol City/Middlesbrough v West Brom
Fulham v Tottenham

Well you’d take that wouldn’t you?  The main thing is the home draw, and then you just want to avoid one of the big teams.  This we have done.  Spurs are awful away and we played them off the park in the recent home game, so yeah, good draw.  It will probably be on TV too, so expect another 11,000 crowd, maybe more if people are lured by the prospect of seeing Spurs again.   Those charming men from North London will be down in force to tell us that our support is f@cking sh!t, that they forgot we were here, and all that business that every away group sings at us, but on the pitch we have Montella and they don’t, and that’ll be the difference.

Elsewhere, Chelsea get a nice game, Watford will expect to beat Ipswich, and Plymouth and Derby could be a corker.  United will have half a worry about their game, Reading being the sort of team that is well capable of upsetting anyone.  But it’s at Old Trafford and realistically that’s going to be a home win.   Arsenal will have to get through a toughie up in Bolton, then dust themselves off for another scrap with Blackburn.  And then there’s Boro vs West Brom, about which I have nothing to say.

So all in all pretty positive.  We’ve been linked with Gordon, the young Hearts goalkeeper (our £4million bid being the only firm offer so far, it seems), and with… is there anyone else at this point?  No, I don’t think so, Alexey Smertin being the last in.

Wembley here we come!

Fulham strolled into the 5th round with an easy win over a disappointing Stoke City side.

(empty seats, of which there were many)

We were chatting to a couple of Stoke fans in Bishop’s Park on the way over, and they seemed quite confident. I told them that there was no way to know what to expect from Fulham, but that if they didn’t watch Montella he’d pull them to bits. Well that’s what happened, a predatory strike from inside the six yard box gave us a lead in ten minutes, and from then on the game was never in doubt. Montella also made the second, slipping McBride through for a one-on-one that the American smashed low an into the net. 2-0, game really over. A rejuvenated, pacy Radzinski added a third in the second half and that was about that. The game was as underwhelming as the 11,000 crowd, which is no bad thing as we haven’t had a relaxing game at the Cottage for… since Sheffield Utd? It was nice to sit back and bask in the certainty of an easy win.

(everyone’s happy because it’s 2-0)

Did we learn anything today then? Possibly. In the week a lot of people worried about Simon Davies, but it turns out that he’s that rarest of birds, a Fulham player who passes to other Fulham players. He came on as a substitute today and I reckon he got the ball a dozen or so times, and found a teammate with each of his passes. He looked a natural footballer, smooth and calm, neat and precise. It may be too soon to tell, but the Welshman already looks like an astute signing.

Also worth a mention is Jan Lastuvka. The big Czech made a few useful saves, claimed the ball well in his area, and generally looked the part. I’m delighted for him, he’s had a rough trot and hasn’t had a game like this before, where he’s been constantly involved but not especially tested. I think he’ll really take heart from this performance, and hopefully it’ll stand him in good stead for Sheffield on Tuesday.

(Dempsey on the run)

Otherwise everyone did what everyone does. Volz had a short time to remind us that he’s an outstanding right back, Clint Dempsey showed tenacious tackling again in a brief substitute appearance, and had a good shot after some nice work by Davies on the left. We also saw bald-schemer Claus Jensen for a short time, which presumably means that he’s fought his way out of the Coleman doghouse. This is good news, Claus being the architect of some of this season’s better things. He’s a good option to have available.

(all the stewards moved to the front of the Putney End, where a number of Stoke fans got a bit excited)

So there we are, a sleepy game and an easy win. We’re still on our way to Wembley.

(Davies (left) and Dempsey (right) go for a walk at half-time)

Well it’s Friday, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.   This means that tomorrow we entertain Stoke City, a quite-high-flying Championship outfit with that division’s meanest defence.  

To counter this Fulham welcome Simon Davies to the team, which gives Coleman welcome options in the middle of the park.  Zat Knight should also be back, which is also A Good Thing - he’s been terrific this year, and most of our bad days seem to coincide with his absence (I’ll have to check this later, but this is my perception).  Clint Dempsey will have more training under his belt and Vincenzo Montella will be that bit sharper too.  All in all things look good.

Less good will be attendance.  Rumours are that we’re struggling to fill ‘er up, which might be put down to a number of issues, not least the fact that we’ve had a very expensive two months following the team.   Many will choose to watch three games on TV, and I can understand this.   Of course, many stayed home for the third round replay and missed the latest crazy installment of Fulham Go Bananas, but that’s the way things go.

Have a great weekend, COYW, and see you at Wembley. 

By necessity this is turning into a transfer rumour relay site. At the moment we are known to be in for a goalkeeper, a central defender and a midfielder.

Oddly we are now linked with Carlo Nash and Carlo Cudicini. Carlo Nash is convinced Fulham have made a bid for him, but Preston deny this. Now we’re linked with Cudicini, who is third in line at Chelsea at present. Could it be that Carlo Nash overheard a conversation in a dark corridor, put two and two together and got five?

Shadowy figure one: “Yeah, Fulham need him. They’re shipping goals all over the place.”
Shadowy figure two: “And what about Niemi?”
Shadowy figure one: “Might not be back for a bit, and isn’t getting any younger. Coleman needs insurance, a reliable keeper who can stand in.”
Shadowy figure two: “Right, you can see why they’ve made a bid for Carlo then.”
Shadowy figure one: “Yeah, he’d be just the job. Carlo won’t let anyone down. Coleman wants him, that’s for sure.”

To which Carlo Nash furrows his brow and thinks, hmmm, I *would* like to move down south again. I’ll confront someone tomorrow.

Or not. Probably not even, and I’m being needlessly negative towards Mr Nash, who is doubtlessly a very good goalkeeper. But how often can we have been in for two players at the same position with the same name? Throw Carlos Bocanegra into the mix (for whatever reason you want) and you have a mess of Carlos and Carlos’s that is probably too much for a club of our size to deal with, certainly on a Thursday. Soon it will be resolved, I hope.

Alexey Smertin, after whom I would like to name a mouse, sounds like he may be coming now. Another club is in for him but the word on the street is that he’ll be a Fulham player soon enough.

Wayne Routledge’s confusing life isn’t any nearer to being simplified, with Spurs still playing hardball. People think he’ll be a Fulham player, but whether that’s now, next week or at the end of the season remains to be seen.

Ah. And so much for all of that. All will be revealed in the next week.

Simon Davies confirmed today.  The EVerton midfielder will be a welcome addition to a squad that has frequently relied on defenders to man vital midfield positions this year.   Moritz Volz has adapted and then thrived, but even with this serendipitous turn of events we’re still short in there, doubly so if the likes of Claus and Bouba aren’t going to be used again.  So Davies will help us considerably, particularly if he can show some of his early career form.  This will be a fresh start for him and he’ll have a point to prove, so here’s hoping for good things.

The reserves have beaten West Ham Reserves 2-0, with Bjorn Runstrom scoring both.

You might recall that I watched the reserves’ last match at home to Spurs, and while somewhat optimistic, I wasn’t massively impressed with our number 10.  He looked okay, but I think I was expecting him to look like a man among boys, a class apart at the level.  And I didn’t think that was the case.  I can see now that I might have been expecting a bit much: it was an evil evening, the quality of service wasn’t ideal, and he did keep working hard all night.

So it’s great to see the lad knock on both goals in a nice victory like this.   According to the report on the official site, one was a tap in after the ball had hit the post, another a scorching header to round off a move in which none other than Claus Jensen had been instrumental.  So well done, Bjorn, hopefully this buys him a few minutes in the cup tie on Saturday.  With Heidar out and Montella perhaps not fit for 90 minutes, Runstrom might be in line for a run out.

Claus playing is unusual.  There were some rumours that he’s in the manager’s dog house, but it must be a different dog house to the one Collins John is in and the one Papa Bouba Diop might be in.  My guess is that the dog house has three levels, the first for minor or even implied transgressions (Jensen mulling over contract for too long), the second for when Coleman’s really not happy (Diop not ever fit, rejects big money move to Wigan), and the third, from which there is no way out, for when someone says they want a transfer, then reject Watford (Mr Collins John).  We do lack class without Claus, so I hope that he and Coleman can work something out.

From the FA’s website:

Fulham FC

Heidar Helguson

20/01/2007

Suspended from all first team football until the Club have completed 1 first team match for a Sending Off in a match played on 20/01/2007.

Sounds like Montella will play sooner rather than later then. 

Oh, and I wanted to mention a brand new Fulham website:

Fulhamish.com

where you’ll find some really nice looking Fulham t-shirts.   At present there are four black t-shirts available, each with a different slogan on the front.  The choice of font gives them a classic look - I like.   Hop over and have a look.

Whew, the games have been coming thick and fast haven’t they?  We get a brief rest now before Stoke City visit on Saturday.  With the home advantage we should win this, but Stoke are a better side than Leicester and we all know what happened there.

In transfer news, the rumblings are that Papa Bouba Diop has rejected a big money move to Wigan.  The transfer was said to be up around £5million, but Wigan are hovering too near the drop zone for Papa’s liking.  It’s a shame, this is a huge amount of money for a slightly overrated player, and while we can’t afford to lose players at the moment, you can’t very well walk away from that sort of offer for a player who has been going through the motions this year.  Add this to Collins John’s £3.25million non-transfer and we have really missed out on the jackpot, but we do have the Boa cash and Coleman seems to be spending it wisely so far.

We’ve discussed Montella already, but I hope that Cookie moves heaven and earth to make the switch permanent.  Clint Dempsey will need time to settle, but I have a very positive vibe about him too.  He was only on 10 minutes on Saturday, but he made three good tackles, performed one neat flick, and was the first to leap on Montella’s back when the Italian scored.

The other names we’re seeing today are those of Simon Davies and Robert Green.  Davies is on his way down from Everton, say various sources, and reaction has been mixed down here.   By my friend Martin, who keeps an eye out on Everton, says that Davies is better than we think.  He was excellent at Spurs, joined Everton when that team was struggling, and got injured at inopportune moments.  Could it be that Coleman and his scouts have seen through the recent performances and believe there’s a good player waiting to get out?   Perhaps Michael Brown put in a good word, the two having played together at Spurs.  Or Jimmy Bullard, who played with Davies at Peterborough.

Lastly, Green is rumoured to be Fulham-bound, possibly in some kind of Claus Jensen swap.  Which would be fine if Coleman has decided that Jensen’s future lies elsewhere.  Green was in England squads not so long ago, and while I’ve never thought much of him, I generally don’t know what I’m talking about, so perhaps he’ll be what we need.

It’s an exciting time, the only caveat being that we really do have to stay up this year.   This should be achievable, but we’re still only one bad run of results away from disaster.  Two or three wins in the near future would really make a difference.

Reason number 3,642 to hate Chelsea: last night we were at a 30th birthday thing on the King’s Road.  I don’t know why anyone would want to celebrate these things in a deafening bar full of uber-sloanes, but this was their choice and along with it we went.  We spent £30 on six drinks there, £5 on two veggie-burgers and coke in Chicken Cottage, and £2 on two samosas and a naan bread in an Indian we wandered into on the way home.  The latter two establishments offered considerably better value for money, we thought.  I’m being a miserable git today aren’t I?  Oh well.

It was in Chicken Cottage that I saw the Fulham-Spurs highlights on Match of the Day.  It appears that we were half-lucky to get the penalty, that Spurs’ goal was fair, and that while Lastuvka might’ve saved the shot, it certainly wasn’t a mistake.  So 1-1 was probably more reasonable than it felt yesterday, when I was pretty angry.

Another draw is another draw, which is six in a row, but also the equivalent of winning two and losing four.  Meanwhile the unnerving signs of others getting their act together are starting to appear, West Ham unlucky not to beat Newcastle away and Charlton actually beating Portsmouth on the south coast.  Meanwhile we tiptoe down the table.  Luckily Wigan are abysmal at present, so they should buffer us from the bottom three, but we’re cutting things a little fine and a win or two in the near future would be nice.

The good news is that Vincenzo Montella can only be a game or two away from starting for us, and that has to be a good thing.  I remember watching Brian Lara bat for the West Indies and thinking how easy he made the game look, how clearly better than everyone else on the pitch he was.  Well the same applies to Montella when he’s on the pitch.  Yesterday, for example, he screamed for a throw from Lastuvka, even though there was someone near him.  Didn’t bother him, he dealt with the opponent and played a nice pass to a teammate.  He does this a lot, always happy to take the ball, always looking for a sensible pass, and usually finding someone.  Then there are the goals, which are the game’s currency after all.  If he scores a few more we’ll be safe, and it looks like he will.  Presumably he’s too good for us and Roma will take him back in the summer, but if he scores goals, likes it here and takes to London, well, who knows?  I’m loving watching him play.

Nobody in the Fulham team tackles harder than Heidar. It can get the crowd going, it can unsettle defenders, but today it probably cost us the match. Until his red card Fulham had been gradually building momentum, chances were coming, Spurs had nothing, and it just felt like a matter of time before we buried them. Then Heidar was late on a midfield challenge, a second yellow was out in a flash, and we were down to ten men. From there it was even, Spurs still not really threatening, but Fulham’s cutting edge blunted massively.

The first half had been messy with only Franck Queudreu standing out. The Frenchman was magnificent, winning challenges all over the place and bending evil balls into the Spurs box. We nearly scored from two of them, that man Helguson failing to capitalise on the clear chances. Otherwise the football was untidy, two mid-table teams playing like dogs chasing their tails. Mr Malbranque got an earful and looked up into the crowd two or three times, but didn’t really hurt us and will probably want to forget his return to the Cottage.

It got better after the break, Fulham playing increasingly smooth football. The sending off killed things, but still we pressed, and in the last ten minutes a McBride volley was charged down by Dawson, presumably with his hands. Penalty! Vincenzo Montella, pure class again, stood expectantly by the spot while the Spurs players protested. After a long and unsettling delay he was confident and definite, sending Paul Robinson the wrong way with that wonderful left foot. 1-0 to the Whites, with 10 men!

Shortly before this we’d seen the introduction of new signing Clint Dempsey, whose first act in a white shirt was to misjudge a headed challenge. Shortly afterwards he threw himself into a defensive challenge, and did so again soon after. He won a couple of free-kicks, played a nonchalent back-heel in his own half, and moved about the pitch with an easy grace. We’re going to enjoy watching him.

With a well earned lead and the minutes ticking away it finally felt as if we were to get a vital three points. But a free kick from the right somehow ended up with Pascal Chimbonda. The world seemed to slow down, I lost all my bearings really, but HANDBALL! flashed before my eyes. Chimbonda’s skidded shot went back to where Lastuvka had come from and trickled beyond (under?) his dive and into the net for a punch in the guts equaliser. Karma for the points we’ve stolen lately perhaps.

We like to say that this is a results business, and in that sense it was another game unbeaten, but this was another game where points were dropped. Now we’ve let Watford, West Ham and Spurs take points from us at the Cottage, three teams with woeful away records. Today’s game was slightly different in that we were clearly the better team, the sending off changing all, but to allow such a soft and late goal is hugely annoying. Credit the lads for staying unbeaten, and nice to see Montella and Dempsey out there, but… well, I don’t know. Is the glass half full? Damned if I know.

Rounding things up then.

Earlier in the week Wigan were rumoured to be in for Big Papa.   The idea was that they’d loan him until the end of the season, then make it permanent if they stay up.   This rumour has died a bit now, but was all over the press.  Interpretation from over here is that Diop is friends with Wigan’s Henri Camara, which might make sense or might be making 5 from 2+2. 

The weird thing is that apparantly Diop’s contract was improved only last year, to the point where he’s now our highest earner.   Funny how players seem to come in and out of favour so fast, eh?   Needless to say, he’s not earning that money at the moment, and hasn’t really hit the heights at all this year, so as with Boa, maybe it’s time to take the money and run.  This is Michael Brown’s team now, with a ‘run until you drop’ philosophy that doesn’t really gel with Diop’s style.  However, Volz and Brown can’t be expected to keep on at this tempo for the rest of the season, so we need some cover in the engine room, doubly so because Volz was a midfield stand-in himself (albeit an extremely good one).

Onyewu seems to have attracted the interest of bigger clubs than us, and is now very much off the radar.  As might be Alexey Smertin, to whom West Ham have waved a big wheelbarrow full of cash.

The latest rumours seem to be goalkeeper orientated, with Robert Green now top of the pops.   To me Green is firmly in the blah category of goalkeepers, he’s never impressed me and seemed to let in a lot of stoppable goals when he was at Norwich.   Maybe he’s grown since then, but if West Ham are keen to offload him, well, how good can he be?  Maybe that’s a bad way to look at things though.  I still want Lastuvka to get a fair shake of the stick, he’s played four tricky away games (where we always ship goals) and a third of one at home (in which he kept a clean sheet).

Now, Spurs.  Wayne Routledge, long championed on these pages even before he’d made a tangible contribution, will not be able to play on Saturday.  He’s barred by the conditions of his loan, and Coleman’s bids for him have not been accepted (Spurs are probably stalling until after this game). 

This leaves us with another hole.  Claus Jensen is rumoured to be fit but in the doghouse, but now might be a time to kiss and make up.  Shifting VOlzy to the right and bringing Claus into the middle would be wise I suspect, and Montella would surely appreciate the craft of the bald Dane.  Otherwise, why not go with a mad 4-3-3, featuring all three of our heroic forwards, and really take the game to Spurs?   Our home form has been insipid for a while now, why not try something and catch Spurs on the hop?  

Of course it won’t happen, so we’re more likely to see something weird involving Bocanegra holding and Pearce at the back.  Chris James on the right would be interesting, but he hasn’t even been in a first team squad yet so that won’t happen either.  Michael Timlin has been doing well at Swindon, is he in our medium term plans?  We could use a midfielder now.  Jimmy Bullard was a Peterborough player four years ago, good players *are* down there, some just need the chance to shine (Kevin Doyle of Reading and our own Liam Rosenior cost £130,000 between them, and they can’t be alone).   Otherwise, perhaps the club has been spreading misinformation and Clint Dempsey really is ready to play.

We shall see.

Well it’s a good job the weather waited for our game to finish before invading. Nightmare. Trains from work were all off so we had to make our way home by alternative means. Had this been yesterday I’d have missed the whole shooting match, and been very cross as a result.

But today isn’t yesterday and I did see the game. Damned good it was too. Now in the cold wind of day we can reflect on the bad side of Fulham 07: their generosity. Before departing on his holidays, Steve B told us that the Fulham negotiators are in Italy to work on renowned centre-back Thomas Ufalujsi of Fiorentina, equipped with a big briefcase of money and a cardboard popup model of Craven Cottage*. Heaven knows we need someone like him, the current combination is, to paraphrase Juliana Hatfield, something less than itself. They’re good players but one way or another the goals are still flying in, and it won’t do. It’s one thing gifting West Ham and Charlton several goals and heroicly digging yourself out of your own hole, but when you start throwing names like Obafemi Martins into the mix it gets a bit scary. And if we haven’t sorted it out by the end of February Man Utd will be looking to conjure up an Arbroath v Bon Accord type scoreline. (shudder)

* not really

Not to worry. Things have a habit of sorting themselves out, and I’m sure Cookie and his tactical men are working things out as we speak.

One more thing: why do people sing “shit ground no fans” at us? I know the “no fans bit” is fair, but “shit ground”? The Cottage is far from a shit ground, and I feel sorry for people who think it is. I don’t know if they think it is or if it’s just part of the banter, probably a mixture of both, but let’s take another moment to think about how lucky we are to have a real football ground to watch the game at. I’m 6′4′ and sitting in the Johnny Haynes Stand is perhaps not the wisest thing for a man of my height, but I love it so much. It’s real football, something that is hard to define unless you’ve got it. Well done to everyone involved with bringing Fulham back to the Cottage, we’re all indebted to you.