Narcissism today

In 1997 I graduated from university. The start of my life, proper. Exciting but frightening. What would I become? Of course I had no idea. Even if I had had any goals – I did not – history had shown me to be less than determined in these things. I would, as usual, see what happened. I would hope for the best.

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At the same time Andrew Johnson was trying to break into the Birmingham City team. The knock on him was that he was too small to play at such a high level.

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I ended up in IT. I am not analytically minded, or not to the extent that people who are good at IT are. Luckily much of my job involved sales, or support, or playing cricket in the yard in front of the offices. After two years of this I got a job at a proper consultancy. This exposed my limitations. I was out of work before long and in need of new direction.

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Andy Johnson scored 8 goals for Birmingham in 83 games. He missed a penalty in the 2001 league cup final. Birmingham wanted Clinton Morrison of Crystal Palace. So they paid £4.25 million for him, and sent Andy Johnson along too.

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I quickly found a job with a prestigious market research company. With confidence fluctuating between zero and very low depending on how many menial tasks I had mismanaged that day, life was still pretty crap. I learned new skills, showed promise with my writing (my bosses made me streamline, cut words, get the point across), but still I struggled. My home life fell apart. Bizarrely, I lost about 3 stone (without meaning to, and I wasn’t big anyway) and I had no idea who I was or what I was doing.

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Andy Johnson had found a home. He scored 32 goals and Crystal Palace were promoted. Then he scored 21 in the Premiership, causing people to really think about him as a potential England player. How had they missed this? This player was a throw in to get Clinton Morrison to Birmingham! Woops!

But Palace were relegated. Johnson wanted to leave. They kept hold of him and he scored 15 more goals in the Championship, but the vultures were circling. Palace failed to get promotion and a move to the big time seemed certain.

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To escape my life I moved to Ireland. It worked. Despite spending most of my days lurching between yet more professional and personal disasters, I evolved. Given time out, time to reflect, time to make mistakes away from people I knew, I – to borrow a cliche or two – grew as a person, found myself. I realised the importance and value of much that I had left behind. I moved back and got a job at an insurance company. Not an interesting job, but a good one. Raymond Chandler had worked in insurance; it couldn’t be that bad.

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Andy Johnson had been selected for England, partly as a concession to his threat to play for Poland. On his debut he played on the right wing and didn’t get much of a look in, but he started a game during England’s summer ‘05 tour of the US. In 2006 Everton outbid Wigan and Bolton and bought him for a massive £8.6 million. His star was shining bright; Clinton Morrison’s career had not gone so well. Strange how fortune swings around.

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The work at the insurance company was surprisingly easy. My experiences in the last five years had somehow caused something to click. The strict working day (830-430) gave me time to focus on other things, like football. And after some time apart I moved back in with Hade. We were (and still are) very happy.

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Johnson’s time at Everton has been a qualified success. While far from elite, he has proved himself to be a valuable forward, capable of scoring goals, working hard, and playing either up front or out wide. He scored 22 goals in 74 games, a fair return. In his last season at Everton £11.25 million signing Yakubu became the focus of the team’s attack, scoring 21 in 29 games. Johnson, struggling with injury, managed only 5, but his harrying play, his threatening pace, and his unselfish outlook had all helped the team.

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Following a period of uncertainty at the insurance company I resigned and followed an old boss to a new company. Here I have thrived. I was promoted last week after just over a year’s service. But next week I may be out of a job.

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Today Andy Johnson should be announced as a Fulham player.

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What’s next?