TV Burp

The FA Cup 4th round TV games have been decided and Fulham’s trip to Kettering isn’t one of them.  Instead we get:

Derby v Forest

I accept this one.  The Nigel Clough factor only adds to what should be a ripsnorting tie.  Fair enough.

Hartlepool v West Ham

You what?  Granted, few of us have had a chance to watch Hartlepool in great detail, and indeed this is the main attraction of the tie, but do we really need to see this game?  I accept that Millwall are also going to the North West in this round (to play Newcastle), but you can still move kick-offs without putting the games on telly.  Will West Ham even have a proper team by then?  Perhaps they told ITV they’d play for half price.  No, to me this is a watered down version of Kettering v Fulham.  The nation deserves the real thing.

Cardiff v Arsenal

Fine.  Misfiring Arsenal v last year’s runner up.  It’s an accident waiting to happen for Arsenal, so should make for riveting television.

Liverpool v Everton

Okay.  I don’t think the world needs to see these two at it, but it’s a cup tie, a proper derby, two good, proper teams with bearable managers, so yeah, it should be a good game.

Manchester United v Spurs

It’s 3rd plays 16th!  Wooooooooo!  What a terrible selection.  Even if you dress this up as BATTLE OF THE BERBATOV: THE WORLD CHAMPIONS V THE MILK CUP HOLDERS: THE FINAL ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN it doesn’t sound much more interesting.  Yes, you have the famous shiny players, but choosing this game is like all those bland bookshops trying to attract christmas punters with Nigella Lawson and Jamie Oliver books; wrong product, wrong people, wrong all over.  Yes it might make money, but… oh, what’s the use.

Kettering Town v Fulham

Isn’t on.  What game better embodies what the FA Cup is supposed to be about?  Setanta have been doing patronising adverts featuring postmen and professionals all season; isn’t this their dream tie?   You’ve got a Premier League team that is becoming a neutral favourite (Fulham) away to a plucky non-league outfit (they’re always plucky).   Kettering’s manager is a formerly reviled Fulham player if you want a grudge angle.  Fulham’s manager is on the shortlist for Future King of the World if you want the feelgood factor.  What’s not to like?  Even in a worst case scenario where Fulham win 8-0 you get to see some goals.  More likely it’ll be a tight one, decided by a bad bounce or maybe even something very rare like a Bobby Zamora goal.

And it’d be a fun game.  It’s the Cup, people, the Cup.  Do we really need to see Man Utd v Spurs?

No. There will be about 800 away tickets for us and it won’t be enough.  Kettering could probably sell out twice over.  And the nation would probably quite want to watch it on TV.  Bah.