Prologue: If Angelina Jolie left Brad Pitt to shack up with Russell Brand a few eyebrows might be raised. Not that there’s anything wrong with Russell Brand, but it’s not a direction anyone would have expected Ms Jolie to take.
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Chapter 1: One morning in January, Angelina left Brad. You can imagine how all this might have come about:
“I’m going to leave you, Brad. You don’t love me enough.”
“Of course I love you.”
“Well prove it.”
“Prove it? We’re married? We’re together all the time. I’ve stuck by you through all the difficult times. Those times when you thought you were pretty damn important. That Africa business. The UN. If I’m honest I think that went to your head. You started acting like bloody Bono! You’re only an actress after all. let’s not forget. But that’s not germane. We’re happy. We’re doing okay, Ang. What more do you want?”
(Angelina pretends to pass out)
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Chapter 2: To those close to the couple the signs had been there for a while, but to Heat readers all over the world this came as a huge surprise. What to make of it all? Angelina moved in with Russell Brand. She wanted more love than Brad could provide, but did she really think she’d be happy with him? Yes, Brand would give her all the love he had, he’d give her freedom, let her go where she wanted, and not insist that she clean up after herself, but is that worth uprooting a young family for?
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Chapter 3: Could Brad have done more to stop this? Undoubtedly he could. But the nagging suspicion remains that he didn’t really want Angelina around anymore. It had been great at first, and his friends loved her, but in time her need for attention, her grandiose ideas, well, it’s not what Brad was about. Sure he’d miss her – even Brad Pitt gets lonely – but there will be other women out there, women who might sometimes listen to him, do what he asked, and most importantly, just shut the **** up once in a while. No, Brad would be alright.
I think it’s fair to say that Angelina Jolie is a lot better looking than Jimmy Bullard!
I was going to say, only you could compare Angelina and Jimmy the Bull.
Priceless … and probably not too far off the mark.
What’s Jimmy Bullard got to do with it. I was enjoying reading something that didn’t involve him.
I have been in a mixture of bad to mediocure moods since first hearing of the wierd transfer news from an annoying spurs fan whilst working (hard) in a restaurant kitchen last night. This is brilliant. god thats really perked me up thanks for putting it all in perspective!
love the site.
This is genius! Makes me feel a lot better about the whole thing.
Brad Pitt then went on to create Ocean’s 11. Mark Schwarzer was the hacker.
…that was cumbersome :(
Perfect parallel, but I have a hard time imagining Brad Pitt saying “bloody”.
So … is Angelina Jolie gonna be our new left winger? I think I’d really like to see if that works.
Jim Bullard, Bullard, he’s better than Steve Gerrard, he’s thinner than Frank Lampard, Jim Bullard, Bullard. Thanks for everything Jim and good luck at the KC.
Well done good sir. Well done.
Chapter 4:
Soon after he began shagging up with Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt began shagging up with Cameron Diaz (the one from East Texas). Cameron did not need to be reassured of love, only rewarded for quality shagging with more shagging. Cameron just became a parent – congrats to Cameron.