Bobby Zamora will have his revenge on… August 15th?

Surprise, surprise, the unexpected hits you between the eyes. The unpredictable, that’s the surprise you see, surprise! surprise!
- Cilla Black, Surprise, Surprise

Harry Redknapp, who for general annoyingness is as worthy of the term “nemesis” as anyone these days, is going to sign Peter Crouch.   Well blow me down with a feather.

Meanwhile, closer to home:

“We allowed Bobby to talk to Hull, but he wants to stay with us and I’m delighted,” said the Fulham boss.

“He didn’t score many goals last season, but he will this time because he is a very good technician.”

So very much as you were up front then.   We should have some much needed midfield reinforcement, but at this point it looks somewhat unlikely that we’ll be rearranging our forwards.    Which will, if nothing else, give the Bobster a chance to prove his doubters wrong.

Yesterday, of course, our man scored twice as we constructed a 3-0 lead over Championship up-and-comers Peterborough United.   This provoked some “hilarious” comments on TiFF (“he’s found his level!!!!”).   Being the blind optimist I’ll take it the other way and see it as a first step towards a good season for our beleaguered number 9.    In the event Fulham let that 3-0 lead become a 3-3 draw, but it’s only pre-season and it could have been worse.

Right, we’re off to Barcelona for a week.   Catch you later…

The plot thickens

If we could trust a word Harry Redknapp says, Peter Crouch is all but ours.   Here:

“Portsmouth are trying to sell Crouchie,” said Redknapp. “I like Crouchie but at the moment we have got four good strikers so it’s not a priority. We are not desperate at the moment for strikers.

“I just felt at the type of money, it’s an awful lot of money. No disrespect, he is 28 or 29 now. Basically it’s an expensive deal because there is no return when you pay that type of money and obviously his salary is high. I don’t know whether it is possible for us to do that deal.

“I think most teams would be pleased to have him on their team but the whole package looks expensive to be fair and that’s the problem. He’s top player in my opinion. I spoke to the chairman about it and he felt it all looked a little bit expensive for a 28 or 29 year old. It’s up to Daniel, he would have to look at the deal and see if it stacks up. If it was something he felt he could do and it was financially OK I would be interested in him for sure.”

To me that sounds like typical Redknappspeak for “get it done, Chairman” and “lower the price, Portsmouth”.

So if Sunderland are out, and Spurs are already well off up front, that leaves… Fulham.

Would that things might be so simple.   It does feel a bit like a turning point for the club:

With Crouch:

Two England forwards up front
A midfield that contains Wales’ best player, America’s best player, Danny Murphy and an improving Dickson Etuhu (with a Hungarian international, a Norwegian international, a WBA captain and perhaps a Denmark international fighting for time)
The best defence we’ve had
The best goalkeeper in the league.

That’s really good.

Without Crouch you have all of that but a gaping void where you want an England international.  And while the Nevlands and Kamaras and Zamoras of this world can do a job, it kind of feels like we want to go a step further now.   We may not be the 7th best team in the league, but a good player at the position where we’re weakest is a mouthwatering prospect.

We shall see.

In other news, all those Helsinki plans are off.  Wayne Brown’s opportunity to provide serious inside dope is over.  It’s all about Lithuania now, as Vetra beat HJK 3-1.    Cool beans.

Roy’s first video of the season

Here.

Bjørn Helge Riise is unveiled.

Roy says all the right things, and reminds us that we have signed an international player who can play in a wide or central midfield role.

Later in the press conference, according to goal.com, Roy talked about Peter Crouch and Jonathan Greening, both of whom are on the radar.

For the cricket fans amongst you, today I rediscovered Charles Davis’ site.  Davis is an Australian statistician and I’ve got a couple of books by him, which make for fascinating reading.  An example of the sort of nuggets he dredges up:

Dropped most times: 39 – Virender  Sehwag (India).  Most for an Australian: 31, Matthew Hayden.

There is something to be said for hitting the ball hard. Sehwag has been dropped almost as often as Tendulkar (22) and Dravid (23) combined.

Most missed chances off a bowler: 74 off Danish Kaneria (Pakistan).  Most off an Australian bowler: 51 off Brett Lee.

Danish is adept at creating chances for fieldsmen at short leg, but they accepted all too rarely.

Highest percentage of missed chances (bowler): 42% off Mohammad Rafique (Bangladesh, 37 missed, 52 taken). Highest for Australians: 27% off Jason Gillespie. (minimum 30 wickets)

Spare a thought for Nathan Bracken, who has seen seven catches dropped and only seven taken off his bowling in Tests. Among those let off were Tendulkar (twice), Sehwag (twice), and a sitter off Brian Lara. Bracken’s career may have followed a different path if they had been taken.

Most missed chances in the field: 50 by Adam Gilchrist. Most by a non-keeper: 36 by Rahul Dravid (India).

Gilchrist, of course, saw more edges flying his way than any other player.

Most ‘expensive’ dropped catch: 297 runs. Inzamam-ul-Haq, against New Zealand in 2002, was dropped on 32 by Robbie Hart, and went on to make 329. Honorable mention to Kumar Sangakkara, who was dropped on 0 against Zimbabwe in 2003/04, and made 270.

Highest percentage of missed chances (fieldsman): 41% by Alastair Cook (England; 24 dropped, 34 taken). Highest for Australia: 29% by Shane Warne (20 dropped, 49 taken). (minimum 40 chances)

The figure for Warne was a bit of a surprise, although I do remember quite a few misses late in his career.

Lowest percentage of missed chances: 7% by Chris Read (England; 3 missed, 38 taken). Lowest for a non-keeper: 13% by Graeme Smith (South Africa; 15 missed, 102 taken).

Read, who has played only 15 Tests, is also one of the finest keepers all-time in preventing byes. It’s a shame that in the modern game the very best keepers often can’t hold down a Test place.

Would You Believe?

Andy Blignaut (Zimbabwe) was dropped five times in his 84 not out against India in 2005. Historically, this has been exceeded in the distant past. In 1882/83, Australia’s George Bonnor, in making 87, was dropped seven or eight times, including five off the bowling of AG Steel, and Bill Ponsford was dropped six times (three by Bob Wyatt) on his way to 266 in his last Test in 1934.

Blignaut’s five, however, included a “hat trick” of dropped catches off three consecutive balls (from Zaheer Khan), probably unique in Test history.

Martin found a clip of the Blignaut three:

Classic…

Chance would be a fine thing

Good discussion brewing on regression to the mean (~randomness) in sports at USS Mariner.

Sites like USS Mariner have shaped a lot of the way I think about sport; this is a good example of an occasion where the media is looking for a reason when in the real world it’s just sport gremlining away with its usual ups and downs.

Anyway, thought I’d pass it on…

Ghosts

Ah, ghosts… Well, what is a ghost?  I’ve been talking about Argentinian men and Chilean men, but that was just to make it clearer, the way animals are used in fables.   Well, so far it’s not all that clear, said Patri.  Come on, a smart girl like you… You see, for us there are always ghosts.  Subtract a Chilean man from an Argentinian, or vice versa.  Or add them up.  You can actually do whatever you like.  The result will always be the same:  a ghost.  (From César Aira’s “Ghosts”)

It looks as if Bobby Zamora will go to Hull City, and perhaps as if Peter Crouch will come to Fulham.   The former must, by now, feel somewhat unwanted, and in these situations it seems rare for a transfer not to happen.  Crouch?  Well Sunderland have been turned down, despite being the only team to have had a bid accepted, which leaves us, and to a degree, Tottenham.

Spurs have the Redknapp thing (he managed Crouch at Portsmouth (and elsewhere)) and are a bigger club; Fulham present other advantages.   The suspicion has been that ‘arry’s been merely talking up his interest in the media, while we’re genuinely in there fighting for the player, but this is a hunch and no more.

It would be a good deal though.  Take the Zamora money and use it towards Crouch:  put another way, would you buy Peter Crouch for seven million plus wages?   I think you might.

If we, as Aira suggests, subtract Zamora from Crouch we are left with a net positive in some areas, notably heading and goalscoring, and a draws for approach play, and maybe a deficit in defensive work.     It is often said that Fulham’s strengths don’t suit Crouch, in that we don’t cross the ball, but let’s not forget that only a year ago Brian McBride was happily getting on the end of free-kicks and corners and crosses from open play.   Fulham cross the ball still, it’s just that nobody in the current side not named Clint or Brede knows how to get on the end of them.

If we subtract Zamora from the overall team (and his strength has unquestionably been as a member of an effective team) then we need to know if that ghost can be dealt with.     We have debated the Zamora thing too much already, but I have a good way to judge a player:  if the player left the club tomorrow, how would we look back on his time at the club?   (This approach avoids my usual blind boosterism.)

It’s where we’ve always been:  an enigma who did much well but didn’t score enough.

Can that contribution be replaced?   You have to say it can.   (Perhaps a better discussion is whether another season of Zamora would have seen an improvement, and I think it almost certainly would.)

It is, however, instructive that Zamora, should he leave for £5 million, will have increased in value in his time at our club.  Is Phil Brown mad?   I don’t think he is.   The Jimmy Bullard signing was great for us, but a decent gamble for  Brown at a time when his team was in freefall.  They stayed in freefall, but he bought an international player for £5 million, which isn’t bad business.  It didn’t end well, and perhaps it was foolish of Brown to think it might, but as a calculated risk I can think of worse ways for managers in his position to spend their cash.

He also has players like Michael Turner, George Boateng, Geovanni, Anthony Gardner, Daniel Cousin, Kevin Kilbane, Bernard Mendy and Kamil Zayette, and if they’re more Sanchez than Hodgson type signings, they’re also not a bad start for a manager whose team got promoted by accident with a team of Championship stalwarts.   That they didn’t get relegated last year was a minor miracle on several levels, but you have to give credit to Brown at some point, and I don’t think Bobby Zamora’s a bad signing for him.

We shall see what the next few days bring.   If nothing else we’re playing AFC Bournemouth tonight, which is a sign of a season starting to come to life.   And speaking of ghosts, those of you who aren’t S/T holders mightn’t have seen this, a DVD sent by the club.  Good work, just the right side of cheese too.  (Note Toby and Matt with those inflatables – Fulham icons):

More rumbles

Fulham have been offered the chance to sign Christian Poulsen, the Denmark midfield player, from Juventus. Poulsen, who has also played for Seville, rejected a £6 million move to Fenerbahçe.

So says the Times window watch (confirmed stories.

Ever since the 1986 World Cup I’ve been excited by Danish footballers.

Watch and enjoy!  Michael Laudrup’s goal is simply beautiful.

Poulsen had nothing to do with that – it was 23 years ago – but still, triumph by association.  They really could have won that tournament.

We are also linked with Marouane Chamakh of Bordeaux.   Interesting…

Fulham sign Bjørn Helge Riise

So says the Norwegian press.

Nordic Football News says:

Like his more famous brother, Bjørn Helge Riise first moved abroad at the age of 18. But unlike John Arne, who quickly established himself as a member of the first team at Monaco, Bjørn Helge’s move to Belgium and Standard Liege didn’t really work out, and after a few seasons he returned to Norway to play for Lillestrøm. Since his return in 2005 he’s played 86 games and scored 10 goals for LSK as well as earning regular call-ups to the Norwegian national side. A right-sided midfielder who can also play “in the hole”, Bjørn Helge is known for his high work-rate and strong overall physique, as well has having a decent right foot.

The signing, if it goes through, is a bit of a surprise as Bjørn Helge Riise at the age of 26 has done very little in his career that suggests he’s capable of playing regularly in the Premier League. Still, Roy Hodgson is usually an astute judge of talent and, with the Norwegian media reporting a transfer fee between 15 and 20 million kr, Riise won’t be a particularly expensive investment by Premier League standards. Also, there’s no shortage of examples of pretty ordinary players who have done well for themselves in England through hard work and determination, two things you can always expect from Bjørn Helge Riise.

That, incidentally, equates to about £1.5-2million.   I guess he’s been signed as a squad player who brings us depth in a position where we need depth.

The Beckham Experiment

Adam has an interview with Grant Wahl, author of The Beckham Experiment, up at TIAS.   As you’d expect, it’s a great read, with all sorts of talk about LA Galaxy, the state of the game in the US, football journalism, Dave Beckham, and all sorts besides.  Part 1 and Part 2.

Five alive: the goals from Perth

Hmmm.

Erik Nevland can finish can’t he?  I’m still of the view that you’re probably better off with a player in the side who does nothing but score than someone who does everything but, and that’s taking unecessarily extreme views of the players involved.   Hmmm.

And Eddie Johnson fed him for all three.   Top awareness there, EJ.

Intriguing stuff.    Cheers for the link, Ilya.

I met a Christian in Christiansands. A devil in Helsinki

Europa! League! Draw!

Fulham will face FK Vetra or HJK Helsinki in the third qualifying round of the Europa League.

The trick is that HJK are 1-0 up from the first leg, which was played away from home in Lithuania, so they seem our likely opponents.

From the HJK site:

It is settled then. Winner of the pair HJK/Vetra will take on a huge challenge and play against Premier League team Fulham.

Fulham will start away in the first game on 30th of July, second game will be played in the following week on 6th of August.

HJK coach Antti Muurinen said:

My first reaction was that we surely could have got easier opponent than Fulham, but giving it a further thought, it’s a huge match in many ways: for example we get to challenge former Finnish National team coach Roy Hodgson. I hope the draw result makes us want to win Vetra even more. Fulham’s a team we all want to play against. But like I said: first we must win Vetra. That’s the first thing in my mind.

Intriguingly, the HJK shop offers a “shirt for fans” at 40 euro and a “real HJK shirt” at 120 euro.  Oucherama!  At current exchange rates that’s over 100 quid!   What can it be made of?   A cap at 14,90 euro seems better value.

I hope to get some detailed, in the know, feedback on our likely opponents, but we’ll see what happens.

Oh, and tickets for the home leg are £5 if you book early.   We’ve done so already.  You can’t argue with prices like that, can you?  Well done, the club.

SubStandard Liege: Tackling Africa

More action photos from what was a memorable weekend:

The goalkeeper launches it.   Over the course of the day I realised that, in these enlightened times, goalkeepers are really the only players on the field who get to give the ball a good old fashioned welly.  Everyone else has to pass it around.   Hoof!   When I was growing up that was what defenders were supposed to do.

Toby had a storming day.  In the following sequence we see a textbook tackle:

Something funny seems to have happened.  Perhaps we scored.  Joe (centre) managed five in all, top scorer for our team.   His fifth came late in the day with Toby on four, Jez on three and Chris on three, so at that point it was all up for grabs.

Gav’s been turned…

Dean puts it over the bar.   At least this one was straight.  Dean’s shooting technique (and he’d be the first to admit this) doesn’t always lend itself to the ball going where he means it to.   In between games he had a few shots, many of which flew towards the corner flag.  One went well beyond it, but he retrieved it and belted it back to us.  The ball contained so much spin it veered around the goal and in, the equivalent of scoring at the Putney End from inside Craven Cottage.   Impossible!  But we saw it happen.  The miracle of football.

The opposing goalkeeper in this match is a fine footballer.  Later in the tournament he decided a sudden death penalty shootout with one of those cheeky dinks.    The nerve!  Football, eh?

Grad exectutes a Cruyff turn.  Later on he scored one of the goals of the day, waltzing through The Idiots’ defence and slotting home.

So there we are.  It all raised almost £100,000 for African kids, and was great fun to boot.

Team photo:

Bobby Zamora will have his revenge on the humber

“are you really going to let me go?   you could put up a fight you know”

- Some Girls, Partner in Crime, from “Crushing Love”

Today this message appeared on the Fulham website:

Fulham Football Club can confirm that it has agreed a fee of £5million for the sale of Bobby Zamora to Hull City.  Further details will follow…

And later Hull City said:

The Tigers have been granted permission to open talks with Fulham striker Bobby Zamora over a possible move to the KC Stadium.

Fulham and Zamora are currently on a pre-season tour in Australia and talks will commence upon the player’s return to England this weekend.

And so may end one of the more confusing, enfuriating seasons in recent memory.   Zamora has presumably had little to do with this – he’s in Australia after all – so we might question the club’s actions here.    Presumably this is has been done to force the matter through; making all this public somewhat forces Zamora’s hand.

Summing up his Fulham career so far, Zamora was playing shortly after this was made public, started a game, came off at half time and watched Erik Nevland bag a hat-trick.    It’s only Perth Glory, but credit where it’s due – you’ve still got to put them away.   Interesting to see comments on TiFF about this though: I remember last season Seol did quite well pre-season, but because they were pre-season games people weren’t interested and he was still public enemy number one; now Nevland’s got goals pre-season games are very relevant.    Hmmm.

Anyway, our man Eddie Johnson was instrumental in setting up the goals so hopefully he’s starting to progress.   I see good in most players and generally want everyone to succeed, but players like Johnson, so routinely written off on the message boards, are particular favourites.   He looked shocking in his debut against Man Utd but I thought he actually did very well in an important win over Everton, and if he didn’t shine in the few games he did play, well, at that point we were a Championship club in waiting.   And perhaps his spell at Cardiff didn’t pull up any trees either, but maybe this’ll be the year he gets to grips with things.  Or not, who knows, but I can’t see any reason to do anything other than wish him well.

In other news, Roy has ‘hit out’ at WBA’s dismissal of our Jonathan Greening bid:

“I think it’s sad when people make those sort of comments because I can assure you the offer was by no means derisory,” he added.

“It may not have been the kind of offer they were looking for, but that’s another matter.

“To use the word derisory is very strong and as far as I am concerned, I know what the offer was, for a player that is 31 years of age and is in the Championship looking to get back into the Premiership, it was anything but a derisory offer.

“I am hoping that there may still be some dialogue between the two clubs because I know that Jonathan is very keen to join us and he would be a good addition to our squad, with his experience and quality, going into the season we are going into.”

Exactly.   I am starting to see as a kind of Roman Emperor type, the kind of man who is head and shoulders above his peers and whose impeccable judgment is spoken of in hushed tones throughout the world.  Greening would be a fine squad player and I hope we can sign him.

We did it

I think we conceded from this free-kick.  Just goes to show, kids, being in a defensive wall is a serious business!

L-R in pink:  Gav, Toby, Joe, Dean.  We finished 39th of 50 and performed reasonably well, all in all.

On Peter Crouch

There are now many rumours associating us with elongated centre-forward Peter Crouch.  The Times says this:

Sunderland have made a bid for Crouch and Fulham are also keen on him. The striker doesn’t fancy a move to the North East and his £70,000 a week wages would break Fulham’s salary structure. The Cottagers could possibly pay him a yearly loyalty bonus to compensate – the financial outlay would be the same, but it would cause less friction in the Fulham dressing room. Roy Hodgson is prepared to sell Bobby Zamora to Hull to fund the deal on condition that Crouch or another striker are lined up to replace him. Mark Viduka is an option, although he would also command high wages.

Interesting.

I have always liked Peter Crouch.   He is not bald like me, but having been somewhat lanky throughout my useful footballing days I have always felt a degree of kinship with the man.    Clearly he’d be a huge upgrade for us:

These are his league numbers for the last five seasons.   What you see there is someone who has scored at a good rate, can put the ball on target, but importantly, still scores when he’s having radar issues.     One thing I’ve (rightly, I think) harped on about, is that any forward player who comes to Fulham will find things harder.   I’ve shown how all of our players found it hard to hit the target last year, relative to their own career levels and to the league overall.   It’s how we play, a by-product of being defensively solid.   Anyway, old news.  But what we see with Crouch is that he’s already experienced this in some fashion in moving from Liverpool to Portsmouth.   Moving from midfields containing Steven Gerrard to midfields containing Richard Hughes will do that.    And he still scored 11 times!

Crouch has a history of scoring goals, is an aerial threat (currently we have Dempsey and Hangeland and they got one each or something daft last season), a team player and a known quantity.    He won’t be cheap and he really deserves a big club, but for whatever reason his options seem a little limited.    People look at him, and see someone who looks a bit different, and judge him accordingly.  But the reality is he’s someone who helps you win football matches; I’d be delighted if we signed him.

Fulham in Melbourne goals

Here.

We played our 12 hours yesterday and, even though I was in goal most of the day, I’ve pretty much seized up.   Ho hum.  The young me would have laughed at the old me, but such is life and we must do our best.

I’m in Edinburgh via Birmingham as of this evening, so see you later next week.

Sponsorship beg

Fulham lost 2-1 to Gold Coast Utd today.  The second half midfield was Kelly, Baird, Andranik, Seol, which tells you all you need to know.  A run around and nothing else.

Meanwhile, there is no transfer news.

I have two more working days before the 12 hour football marathon.  If you are feeling generous it is still possible to sponsor us at JustGiving!

I have taken  training inspiration from Milo of Croton:

Milo was a six time Olympic victor. He won the boys’ wrestling (probably in 540 BC),[4] and thereafter five men’s wrestling titles between 536 and 520 BC.[1][2][3] He also won seven crowns at the Pythian Games at Delphi (one as a boy), ten at the Isthmian Games, and nine at the Nemean Games.[2] Milo was a five time Periodonikēs, a “grand slam” sort of title bestowed on the winner of all four festivals in the same cycle.[3] Milo’s career at the highest level of competition must have spanned 24 years.[2]

Impressive, eh?

Anecdotes about Milo’s almost superhuman strength and lifestyle abound. His daily diet allegedly consisted of 20 lb of meat, 20 lb of bread, and eighteen pints of wine.[3] Pliny the Elder and Solinus both attribute Milo’s invincibility in competition to the wrestler’s consumption of alectoriae, the gizzard stones of roosters.[2][11] Legends say he carried his own bronze statue to its place at Olympia, and once carried a four-year-old bull on his shoulders before slaughtering, roasting, and devouring it in one day.[2][3] He was said to have achieved the feat of lifting the bull by starting with a newborn ox, and carrying it everyday.

Modern sports science has nothing on the ancient greeks.

Anyway, we’re playing footie for 12 hours in what’s likely to be rain, and, as luck would have it our team has been allocated pink t-shirts.  So…. well, that’s just dandy isn’t it?    All money raised goes to raising awareness about AIDS in Africa.

Oh no Joe

Diomansy Kamara, seen here doing his bit to ensure we held Derby County to a 2-2 draw, is missing.

Here is the preview of the Fulham v Australian Teams games.

The relevant bit for us is:

Meanwhile, up-front, Roy will select from the tried and tested trio of Andy Johnson, Bobby Zamora and Erik Nevland, with Eddie Johnson providing additional competition after his spell at Cardiff last term.

Hmmm.   Was he on the aeroplane?  Is he injured?  We need to know.

Meanwhile, plots thicken.  Hull City have told the world that they have a deal in place to take Bobby Zamora, but only if we find another striker.   Intriguing.    Elsewhere, Brede Hangeland and Clint Dempsey have rejected contracts, presumably as part of the normal negotiating rounds.   At present our first team looks like:

Schwarzer; Paintsil, Hughes, Hangeland, Konchesky; Davies, Murphy, Etuhu, Dempsey; Zamora, A.Johnson.

If you try to back them all up you get:

Stockdabuhler; Kelly, Baird, Smalling, Kallio; Gera, Andranik, Milsom/Brown, Bouazza; Nevland, Kamara/E.Johnson

I have no real concerns with the defence (you can add Stoor and Omozusi to that) but the midfield after Gera is very ‘bench’, and if Kamara doesn’t turn up we’re left with the underrated but unsuccessful Eddie Johnson and the enigmatic goal machine that is Erik Nevland.   Still, the night is young.

Paweł Brożek

We have been linked with Polish striker Pawel Brozek this week.   In the last two seasons Brozek has scored 23 in 27 and 19 in 27 (30 game seasons) as Wisla Krakow have dominated the Polish league.

2007-08

1

Wisła Kraków (C)

30

24

5

1

68

18

+50

77

2008-9

1

Wisła Kraków (C)

30

19

7

4

53

21

+32

64

Top scorers 07-08

23 goals

• Paweł Brożek (Wisła Kraków)

16 goals

• Adrian Sikora (Dyskobolia Grodzisk)
• Marek Zieńczuk (Wisła Kraków)

Top scorers 08-09

19 goals

• Paweł Brożek (Wisła Kraków)
• Takesure Chinyama (Legia Warsaw)

14 goals

• Robert Lewandowski (Lech Poznań)

In short he’s been top scorer in the league and scored a third of his team’s goals.    And the thing that interests me is that his team have only conceded 18 and 21 goals along the way, which gives their goal difference a Man Utd/Chelsea/Liverpool type shape:

1	Manchester United (C)	38	28	6	4	68	24	+44	90	UEFA Champions League 2009–10 Group stage
2	Liverpool	38	25	11	2	77	27	+50	86
3	Chelsea	38	25	8	5	68	24	+44	83

From this we can see that Wisla are a very good side I think, neither emphasising attack nor defence.   Further to all this, the Polish league doesn’t appear especially “open”, with most teams quite tight in defence and nobody conceding more than 46 goals and plenty of teams a lot less than that.

P	Team	Pld	W	D	L	GF	GA	GD	Pts	Qualification or relegation	Head-to-head
1	Wisła Kraków (C)	30	19	7	4	53	21	+32	64	UEFA Champions League 2009–10 Second qualifying round
2	Legia Warsaw	30	18	7	5	52	17	+35	61	UEFA Europa League 2009–10 Second qualifying round
3	Lech Poznań	30	16	11	3	51	24	+27	59	UEFA Europa League 2009–10 Third qualifying round 1
4	Polonia Warsaw	30	15	9	6	40	23	+17	54	UEFA Europa League 2009–10 First qualifying round	GKS 1–2 PWA PWA 1–0 GKS
5	GKS Bełchatów	30	17	3	10	40	28	+12	54
6	Śląsk Wrocław	30	11	12	7	40	34	+6	45
7	Polonia Bytom	30	10	5	15	30	46	−16	35
8	Jagiellonia Białystok	30	9	7	14	28	34	−6	34		JAG 1–0 RUC RUC 0–0 JAG
9	Ruch Chorzów	30	9	7	14	22	32	−10	34
10	Piast Gliwice	30	9	6	15	17	26	−9	33
11	Lechia Gdańsk	30	9	5	16	30	44	−14	32		ODR 1–0 LGD LGD 3–1 ODR
12	Odra Wodzisław	30	8	8	14	23	40	−17	32
13	Arka Gdynia	30	7	9	14	27	39	−12	30		ARK 2–1 CRA CRA 0–0 ARK
14	Cracovia Kraków	30	7	9	14	24	40	−16	30	Relegation play-offs
15	Górnik Zabrze	30	7	8	15	20	33	−13	29	Relegation to First League 2009-10
16	ŁKS Łódź	30	10	5	15	27	43	−16	352

So what we appear to have is a player who is top scorer in a league where scoring isn’t that easy, is delivering the goods for the best team in the league, and has done this twice in a row. Intriguing.

Incidentally, note the contrast with the above and the 2006-07 Heerenveen/Alfonso Alves season:

Heerenveen finished fifth:

5

Heerenveen

34

16

7

11

60

43

+17

55

Their defence wasn’t great, their attack nothing out of the ordinary (not when you’re conceding over a goal a game), and that year the Eredivisie featured 2.99 goals per game, the most in Europe.   To be fair to Alves, his 34 goals is impressive, but then again, people have always scored goals in Holland:

1994-95	Ronaldo	30	PSV
1995-96	Luc Nilis	21	PSV
1996-97	Luc Nilis	21	PSV
1997-98	Nikos Machlas	34	Vitesse
1998-99	Ruud van Nistelrooij	31	PSV
1999-00	Ruud van Nistelrooij	29	PSV
2000-01	Mateja Kežman	24	PSV
2001-02	Pierre van Hooijdonk	24	Feyenoord
2002-03	Mateja Kežman	35	PSV
2003-04	Mateja Kežman	31	PSV
2004-05	Dirk Kuijt	29	Feyenoord
2005-06	Klaas-Jan Huntelaar	33	SC Heerenveen/Ajax
2006-07	Afonso Alves	34	sc Heerenveen
2007-08	Klaas-Jan Huntelaar	33	Ajax
2008-09	Mounir El Hamdaoui	23	AZ

There are some big names on that list, but not every player has turned out to be the success their goals would suggest they might be.  Clearly this is second guessing of the worst kind, picking an obvious example while showing why it might not have been a good idea, but hopefully the general thrust of what I’m saying has a bit of substance.  I’m not saying for a minute that you could look at the above and say that Alves was doomed to be a bad buy and that Brozek will work out, but it’s all this kind of stuff that needs to be factored in.

(The French league intrigues me, incidentally, having traditionally been the hardest to score in in Europe.)

So anyway I’d be curious about Brozek.    When I initially heard his name I assumed he’d been filling his boots in a wide open league, but having had a rummage around I don’t think that’s necessarily the case (although we must note that the standard of opposition is relatively low).

The angel and the one

Over the years you get attached to various bands.    One of mine is Weezer.   There’s not a great deal to Weezer, quite funny lyrics for the most part and some decent guitar work, but the attachment goes beyond the surface and I’m not sure why that is.  I have a Weezer sticker on my (acoustic) guitar:

“If it’s too loud, turn it down” – wise words indeed!

Weezer’s eponymous debut was out in 1994.    It opens with “My name is Jonas”, goes through the famous “Buddy Holly”, the excellent “Say it Ain’t So” and ends with “Only in Dreams”, which is over 7 minutes long.  It’s a top album, and we listened to it a lot on an ill-chosen Club 18-30 holiday in Faliraki back in 1996 (at which my mate Wilf was reprimanded for climbing a tree, to which he rightly replied that the reps’ priorities were a bit off given what they were encouraging their guests to do every night).   We spent two weeks playing an improvisational cricket game on the roof of one of those white square Greek holiday villas, a sponge ball and a tennis racket the equipment of choice, cheap vodka the refreshment.  Meanwhile all the streetwise people were up to everything you’d expect on such a holiday: boys from Newcastle, girls from Basildon…. stereotypes?  Well, you should’ve been there.

But I’m getting away from myself.  Weezer regularly veer between the funny and the serious:  “Pink Triangle” being a good example of funny (“I’m dumb she’s a lesbian, I thought I had found the one” – I’m sure we’ve all experienced something along these lines.  No?)

More recently (in the serious department) we’ve had “The angel and the one”, which ends The Red Album.  Here are the lyrics:

It’s not my destiny to be the one that you will lay with
So many reasons why I have to go but want to stay here
Sometimes I want a taste but then I don’t know what I’m saying
You are the angel and I am the one who is praying

There is another love that I would rather be obeying
I see the ecstasy and already I’m anticipating
I feel a deeper peace and that deeper peace is penetrating
I’ve got the magic in me, I am complete is what I’m saying

I’m flying up so high, my purple majesty displaying
I’ve reached a higher place that no one else can make a claim in

I’ll take you there, my friend
I’m reaching out my hand, so take it
We are the angels, and we are the ones that are praying

Peace, shalom, peace, shalom
Peace, peace
Peace, shalom, peace, shalom
Peace, peace

Nothing out of the ordinary there.   Have a listen though.   It might not do anything for you, but for overly sensitive, half-witted emotional wrecks like me these type of songs can get you.   It’s about the delivery:  I could sing those lyrics and it would be rubbish.  Rivers Cuomo sings them, with the soaring guitars and cheesy eighties pomp and… well, whatever else they’re up to.  And on a sad day I listen to this and feel alrighter.  It’s quality stuff, and it’s all about the people, Weezer.  Coldplay couldn’t do this.

And so it is with football.  You know I have to bend these things around.   Players are players and they do what they do, but in many ways it’s how they do it that matters.   John Paintsil seems to be all over this year’s Fulham Review, with both Jamie and myself independently transfixed by the joy and spirit in his game.   John Paintsil brings feeling to his football.   Clint Dempsey… if you’ve read Adam Spangler’s piece on Dempsey you know what the game means to him.  Everything.  And yet he says himself:  “the game don’t care”.  Ouch.   Dempsey and Rivers Cuomo are singing from the same sheet, one way or another.  Dempsey has soul, his game has soul, to watch him is to savour something special about football.  The titanic struggle of one man against himself, the world, and half a dozen other demons.

Have we enough transcendental players, players whose ability is only part of why we enjoy them?  Brede Hangeland can inspire when he’s dominating a game.  Danny Murphy’s neat excellence is impressive but not awesome, and while I like Simon Davies’ nimbleness and quick mind his style is not so far out of the ordinary.

A few times last season we worried that this Fulham side was somewhat mundane, nearer to Oasis than Blur, to Kenny Gee than Ornette Coleman.   Which is fine – more people listen to Kenny Gee than Ornette Coleman – but you need a bit extra too, don’t you?   You need struggle, majesty, dispair.   And while Weezer’s conjuring of those emotions in me is calculated, the emotions themselves are not necessarily.    You feel what you feel.

Where is our next hero coming from?  Is there a player on Roy’s shopping list who brings heart, style and substance to the team, allied to the excellence that makes these peripheral gifts into something worthwhile?  Without excellence we’re not interested in the back story, not really.   Who’s next?   This is the joy of sport.  The team, but also the stories within the stories.   Who’s going to move us?  Who’s going to flip the ball up into the air and volley it past Edwin van der Saar?  Who’s going to endure all kinds of grief, go to his old club and his younger brother and belt the ball so hard that the most expensive keeper in the league can’t get near it?   Who’s going to take us away, make us forget ourselves and our floundering lives, make us scream with joy until we’re hoarse and we don’t know what day it is anymore?

I’m flying up so high, my purple majesty displaying
I’ve reached a higher place that no one else can make a claim in

Ahem.

It’s time for the season to begin already.

Out of time

The departures:

Moritz Volz is out of contract and leaving.  Sad this, he brought a lot of pleasure to a lot of people.  In many ways a victim of Chris Coleman’s square pegs policy, Volzy went from being a decent looking right back to a rampaging midfielder to a man without a position to a loan player at Ipswich.

In his honour, here is my post from Chelsea 2-2 Fulham way back when:

Chelsea 2-2 Fulham

We could’ve taken Stamford Bridge. Fulham’s injury hit heroes stormed the rival Chelsea turf, first inhibiting this most expensive of sides, then leaving them wheezing on the ropes, gasping and praying for the final whistle. And if it wasn’t quite that one sided in real life I’m having a lot of fun remembering it that way.

We sang and sang and sang, and the lads responded. The irrepressible Moritz Volz, rapidly becoming the complete footballer (I know) surged in to give us an early lead. It was the 15,000th goal scored on the Premiership gravy train, and came somewhat as a shock; Chelsea had previously fired 4-5 balls all the way across our six yard box and were sniffing blood at that point. Then came a huge moment, as a handy move ended with Wayne Routledge in a position to make it two. He was moving across the ball and it wasn’t an easy chance, but a hard and low finish into either corner would’ve given Halario no chance. Instead his side-footed strike missed the target high.

Chelsea started to muscle in on our fun, and if anyone had said “Frank Lampard will equalise with a deflected shot” I would not have disagreed. The ball fell to the edge of the D, which is exactly where Lampard does his damage, and bang his strike whizzed into the bottom corner via Liam’s heel. It was unlucky, but a fair reflection on how the game was developing.

In the second half Noah’s own rain joined us, falling down in a mass of water then curving under the East stand roof in the wind, thereby drenching many Chelsea fans. Ho ho ho.

If Lampard’s strike was familiar then so was Drogba’s, heading home from close in to give his side the lead. A lead that at first seemed unlikely to be clawed back, but once more Fulham found another gear. McBride’s header was well-saved by Hilario, and we drove on and on. Half-chances came and went, but inside the last ten minutes Hilario again denied McBride and the ball came back into open play. This was one of those car-crash moments, where the whole world suddenly moves really slowly. It took forever to fall to Carlos Bocanegra, whose body language was that of a man who was about to score an important goal. It was not in doubt. Ball rolled on, Carlos shaped, steered, and yep, in she went. Two-two!

The rest of the match was spent shouting the goalscorer’s name to the tune of the conga. It was magnificent stuff, and Fulham’s heroes continued to pile on the pressure to the last. When Howard Webb finally blew it felt strange; we had held Chelsea at the Bridge, but will there ever be a better chance to beat them there? Ah, I’m being silly, it was terrific, and the players were brilliant.

There was a world class German central midfielder on display today… and he was wearing white. There was an industrious, effective but skillful English central midfielder on display today, and so was he. Whatever happens in the transfer window, the Brown and Volz midfield pairing is a joy to behold. These two can do a bit of everything, and like the Terminator, they will not be stopped in their mission. Behind them Christenval is showing that he’s probably our best passer, and can still defend as well as he needs to, while Bocanegra handled everything Chelsea threw at him then scored that vital, vital goal. With Niemi this back 5 is a terrific spine on which everything else can build and flourish.

Radzinski was as good as he has been for us, Liam did his bit, and McBride and John made themselves known. Franck’s injury induced radar failure still remains a problem, but his tackling and his heart make up for this. Routledge flattered to deceive for much of the game, but we’re better with him out there and he’s our most reliable dead-ball kicker.

Whew. We nearly beat Chelsea on their own patch. How about that?

_________________________________________________________________________

Happy days, eh?  Good luck, Moritz.

Collins John is a funny one and in some ways I’m reluctant to theorise too much about him.   It’s all too easy to label him a lazy waste of talent (everyone else has) but these things are rarely so black and white.  For all we know he may have been depressed, injured, anything.    His star shone brightly, then not at all.  Oh well.

Leon Andreasen has been gone some time anyway.

Olivier Dacourt may have brought some experience to the club last season but, it has to be said, largely disappointed on the field.

Giles Barnes will be interesting to watch over time.   We know how Roy prefers team players, but what if he could have harnessed the Barnes gifts into a team role?    Perhaps Roy saw Giles Barnes as a very expensive leather jacket:  no doubting the quality, but quality for someone else, quality he could get by without.

Julian Gray never did get a portrait pun on this site, and for that I am sorry.

Karim Laribi is an interesting one.   I saw him for the age group side and he looked a hell of a player, playing in a sort of Dani Alves style, rampaging forward, those short legs swerving in and out of tackles, hitting long shots and free kicks, all sorts.  He looked like Kenny Sansom on speed.   But now he’s gone.   Not sure why, he and Luca Moscatiello were much talked about youth coups, but you never know with youngsters and perhaps he didn’t develop, or perhaps he’s leaving of his own volition and has a better offer somewhere else.   Who knows?