Say, say, say (part 2). Or the campaign for plain English strikes back

“Etuhu hands Fulham fitness boost.”

Is this what the headline means?  Etuhu gave Mark Hughes a bar of chocolate?  The Boost in question has Guarana in it, which gives you energy.

Why can’t journalists say what they mean?   “Dickson Etuhu is fit for Saturday” doesn’t lose much does it?  “Etuhu hands Fulham fitness boost” doesn’t mean anything, except it sort of sounds like the kind of thing newspapers say. It’s not a play on words, it’s not clever, it’s just nonsense.

Speaking of which, Etuhu is also described in the article as “no-nonsense”.  Which of our players are “nonsense”?   Paintsil in some ways maybe.  We don’t really have nonsense players.

End of grumble, and apologies to all involved for the undue negativity.  I’m off to hand the household a cleanliness boost (Stanley’s chair is browner than it ought to be).

4 thoughts on “Say, say, say (part 2). Or the campaign for plain English strikes back

  1. How true. My friend Charlie, a Crewe supporter who accompanies me to an away defeat most seasons, used to do shifts on the BBC football teletext pages. The strictures of the format enforced a weird lexicon of monosyllables, such that any player mentioned in a headline would be an `ace’ and clubs and managers would be prone to bids, blows and shocks. Sitting next to him at a home match for a change we were losing, but tried out for size optimistic upturns such as: `late Hayles brace sinks Hammers.’ Didn’t work.

    1. The headline word that offends me is “snub”.

      If I ask my wife if she’d like a cup of tea and she says “no thanks” in footballspeak it’s a snub.

  2. No-one ever seems to have ‘showdown talks’ any more do they? A further consequence of the Bosman ruling presumably…

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