Timmy’s Season Preview

Season previews always seem so half empty. Not because the writers are lazy (okay, some are) but because there’s always that spectre of “well, shit can get real around the transfer deadline, so, here’s some vague material that should be read skeptically. Enjoy!”

With that in mind, here’s my preview. It’s not vague, and it shouldn’t be read skeptically. I guarantee all of the following events will happen. In some capacity.

Fulham will defeat a Sky Five club or two at home. (Sadly, it won’t be Chelsea.) The story line won’t be about us though.

Fulham will lose at Everton.

“JOL OUT!” will be a message board topic by, oh, mid-November. Such sentiment will ossify by Christmas.

Fulham will lose at least once to a newly promoted side on the road. They will also trounce at least two newly promoted side at home.

A star player will get sick; media will speculate there was a “bust up” and he’ll “surely be sold.” He won’t.

A star player will be sold for a decent amount of cash around a transfer deadline. The club will then use that money to unearth some overlooked talent.

MOTD will feature us last at least 66% of the time. We will all complain about it. Alan Shearer will respond “For me, they’re just not a big club.” Alan Hansen will counter with “Fulham are now a decent side.” Lawro will still predict us to lose every week.

David Stockdale will be sent out on loan. We’ll all make a fuss.

There will be a series of matches where Fulham play like crap and concede extremely late goals. This will force us fans to threaten ending our fandom. Fulham will then immediately play some beautiful football, achieve some great results, and get sucked back in.

Fulham will have a clear path to a cup final, and somehow screw it up.

Fulham won’t score many goals on the road, and pundits will point to how awful their road form is. All while turning a blind eye to how amazing their defense is on the road.

Fulham will finish a very respectable midtable. A few smart pundits will clap and say “good job!”, and then promptly discuss the horrors of Manchester City purchasing another title.

At next season’s preview, pundits will say “Boy, Fulham don’t get the credit they deserve!”.

The cycle will repeat.

(Featured image found via ebay)

Timmy Gelles is a writer for Craven Cottage Newsround. A Fulham fan since 2006 who hopes Fulham will finally win at Goodison Park. E-mail him or follow him on twitter.

3 thoughts on “Timmy’s Season Preview

  1. Allowing for the substituton of Hodgson or Hughes for Jol in para three, this could be any one of our last four seasons. One year it will pan out differently………..but probably not this time.

  2. This was, by far, the most accurate pre-season review I’ve ever read. Thank you. But I have to say ESPN is currently showing us in 5th due to alphabetical listing on their EPL table. That’s our highest pre-season position in quite some time! Surely that has to count for something?

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